Friday, June 27, 2014

As You Get Old You Don’t Want To Move

I feel lucky I can  navigate my open rooms.
I know how to get downtown, it’s downhill…
and I remember the name of the bus that takes
me back uphill….am I boring you?

You will be here too, if you live this long.

Nobody looks at this, nobody writes/talks
about this. People get to a certain point and
we forget about them…they have nothing left
to say.  Even Bob Dylan is now a side show.

There is no “Movement” anymore…..no one
wants to move. Even the young people are
already old.

There isn’t even enough hutzpah left 
for class warfare.  

Like a dog looking for a place to die.


Looking For A Better Mirage

Seems to be what people are
doing these days.  It doesn’t matter
where in the world you live these days.

As if humanity was an ant hill
that some pimply teenager was
pouring gasoline on….just to see
them scurry about.

Security is what humanity is 
scrambling for… that’s why the binary
has taken control…the ultimate addiction.


We all long for a virtual reality of our own.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Nobody Believes In Anything

They just think of things, like “God”
from time to time, in extreme moments.
If you ask them they have to think about it,
except in the Arab countries where, it’s so
hot, they think about it all the time….

Belief is the defaut setting of the mind….like,
“other”….an archaic tool to get around the
unknown. None of it ever had, or will have,
any basis in reality.   Sorry.

To The Japanese People


What a bunch of  bovine idiots…
sure, you lost your culture because
the USA bombed the hell out of ya
and after that, you denigrated to 
pachinko parlor mavens, salarymen, 
posers, roll players,  “kitchen drinkers”…
a broken doll dragged on the ground.
You smile while you poison yourselves.
Your great culture is absolutely reversed.
Don’t bother waking up. It’s too late.

  

Sunday, June 22, 2014

The Title Of A Song I Haven’t Written Yet

Well, at least, the song is always there,
somewhere, an actor in search of a theatre,
the women recent in my dreams, how
ordinary people are so vivid and sharp
when you look at them….all the natural
shamanic causes…dietary, mnemonic, 
yogic, overloads, breakdowns, splits…..

My brother went catatonic and had to 
be taken to the hospital. He told me the
story one night while we were out for  
a drive. His goal in life  from then on,
was never to be in another hospital.
He succeeded. That was brilliant.

It’s a song of those long gone…
of those who are about to be
long gone to the point that even
their sadness smiles as it sees
the sun go down.

Trip To Vermont

To visit my daughter and her husband….
a magic time in a magic life in a magic
era. 

When you get these cards, you pause,
savor the moment before you make a decision.

Forth of July, Vermont, 2014, I will be there,
I presume, if freedom has any real meaning.


Forever Used To Seem Longer

Nothing lasts forever…except
maybe American cars in Cuba.
We measure time in nanoseconds
now, not eras, let alone eons.
Even lore is lost that connects us
with the past….we wrote down
everything so we forgot it…we
did realize that our history hasn’t
prepared us for this future. 
Humanity is becoming Eloi and 
Morlock, untethered to any but
base value….an archaic revival
of naiveté and ungroundedness,
like before our ancestors
discovered basic values, basic
human laws. We’re forgetting
everything that made us human
because we don’t have time to
think about it…or, care. An image
we see is who we think we are.
Our memories are implants from
the movies we face. Our identities
something we remember from a screen..




Friday, June 20, 2014

Estella

I always know when
I’m about to make a fool
of myself with a woman.

There’s a feeling every man
knows, and few understand, 
an electricity that dances 
around the heart and makes
the heart want to show itself.

I’m too old for this, or, much of
anything…but it’s reassuring
that life doesn’t listen to me
and keeps going on, seducing
me to look at what’s happening,
reminding me of everything I
thought I had forgotten.

I had to wait, to be sure…I
didn’t want to make  fool of
myself unless absolutely necessary….

We had said hello a few times…
I stopped her on the street once,
just to ask her name…she told me,
and then looked at me with a look
that said “That’s it?” 

I need to, at least, ask her out.
Acceptance or rejection are not
the issue. Either way, at least I’ll
know where I stand, and then, 
I can get on with my life.

I may not ever see her again.
In that case. these feelings will
remain on the back burner
forever.













Thursday, June 19, 2014

Drinking : To The Three Amigos

For me, it’s an occupational hazard,
a necessary evil….or, an ocean of
sheer delight….or, a body wracking
incurable, horrible, ant-social disease
that leads one on a path  towards 
inevitable destruction….or, a pleasant,
non communicable social disease…..or,
the Muse of all the poets….or, how 
I destroyed my life…or, how I saved 
my life….or…….what day is it?


I believe in all Faiths.

Part Of Why I Wrote Was Because I Couldn’t Speak

I’m not sure how or when I learned to speak.
My father was a lawyer and we were the 
courtroom…not much crosstalk there…and my
mother would wander the house, crying and
railing against society….nope….and after I 
left home…well, let’s just say the LSD didn’t 
speed the process of finding my voice, or else,
it did. Either way, any concept of what I thought 
I had going on was eliminated. It was Tabula
Rasa, not like you just suddenly stopped
believing in Jesus.

Something You Don’t Know About Me That Will Probably Make You Never Want To Meet Me

I flush my toilet with a bucket.
I don’t clean it.
It is masterfully disgusting.

I look at it with a certain nostalgia….
the same that I have for abstract 
expressionism.

Getting Older

They say life is a challenge...
getting older, life is all the
challenge I need.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

First Poem I Ever Wrote

At Carleton College, when I was 20.



Can I mold this kneading soul with mind
until the last savory drop of breath deigns
to lose the grip of life with caring ease?

It seems impossible that covered spirits heal,
the raw, lean edged nerve concealed beneath
a mound of helpless clay.

One begins to loathe the day...
light shining... curving subtly over the earth...
illuminating the sepulcher...

Rather, should the darkness rule?
Darkness that is...the wind that
howls in the night...the wind that takes the breath
away, that steals the light.

Enumerate the reasons one should bleed; to save a Knave,
to help a Queen? Better to lie motionless at the bottom of a stream,
the constant waters caressing life away.


The Shaman Story

(this story is the true story of my
knowledge of and dealings with
a “shaman”, so called, here in Tepoztlan,
Mexico)

When I first came to Tepoztlan, I had
been living in Oaxaca. I visited Tepoztlan
because there was a Shambhala meditation
center there, and I had heard about this 
“shaman” that had an amazing trick. It 
seems that this “shaman” was able to channel
the “god” Tatewari, and that in that state, the
“god”would dispense it’s wisdom. I came with
an open mind, and a curiosity, because many
of the “Shambhalians” in Tepoztlan seemed to
have a connection to whatever this was. The 
process of coming to some understanding of
what this phenomena was took some time.

The trance session would go like this: David
Wyle, the “ shaman” would join a group around
a fire, dressed in his shamanic costume. There
would be  some pleasant socializing for a while,
and people would tell jokes. David would join
in a bit, all the while drinking hot chocolate and
smoking big  cigars, one after the next. At some
point he would  start shaking, and a blanket
would be thrown over  him. The shape of his body,
certainly his posture, changed and he began to
speak in a voice that sounded much like that of
George Burns. Then, the audience  would begin,
and the assembled would begin to ask 
questions. After the questions, a few people or
groups would have a private interview with the
“shaman” as Tatewari.

It took me at least three years of observing these 
sessions and having a few private chats with
David/ Tatewari to feel I had any idea what was
going on. There was an atmosphere at these
sessions of almost bliss….and it seemed to be
emanating from David as Tatewari. The first time
I sat next to the “ shaman” in his trance, there was
almost a cloying intensity of sweetness…..as if
sweetness was a cheap perfume. I felt  something
wasn’t quite right, but I couldn’t put my finger on
it.  I was right next to David once when he 
came out of his trance, and it didn’t seem an act or
faked.  

I wanted to know what it was. I  put in for a
certain “trek’ I guess you might call it, or
personal pilgrimage,  that would take place
under the auspices and guidance of David/
Tatewari. One condition was I had to quit
drinking for six months. I stopped drinking
immediately for months. During that time,
I contemplated a lot  about what this trek
was, the “shaman” phenomena,  what was
“Tatewari”…all of it. I came to a couple of
conclusions. One was that it was quite possible
that David was channelling an unseen being
through his body. The other was no one could
be sure if it was Tatewari…everyone seemed
to believe it was Tatewari because it said it was,
and because there was some kind of power there.
There’s shamanism in Tibetan Buddhism,
but they know what they’re dealing with. It’s
a no no for Buddhists to get involved with
these kind of beings  anyway. And really, no one
could know if this wasn’t really an evil being
trying to capture people’s energy.

After five and a half months, when it
was  getting close to the time of the
pilgrimage, I decided I wasn’t  going to
do it. I had seen what had happened to a good
friend of mine, and the experience solidified his 
connection to the being. He later renounced his 
Buddhist vows. We were good friends, but, our
last meeting we almost came to blows. 

I wrote David an email telling him I decided
to not do the pilgrimage. His reaction was
swift and vicious. In his reply, he tried to
explain what a terrible person I was. His
language was vitriolic. It was then so
patently obvious to me what was going on,
that I felt a sense of relief….yes! It was a cult!
But, it was not  without power. I felt a certain
withdrawal happen  that took place over
several months…as if that false   sweetness
was leaving me. As with any drug 
withdrawal, it wash’t a pleasant experience.


It's called "The Sacred Fire Community"






















Mexican Pharmacy

I go in one day for some
Pepto Bismol. “Small or
large?” she asks me.
“Small, please.”

I go in a week later
for some more. “Small,
please.” “I’m sorry,” she
says, “We only have large.”

Report From Outside The Closet Or Embracing The Apocalypse





First of all, it’s on the way, no doubt about 
that now…and it’s happening as Eliot 
foretold: not a bang, but a whimper.
The biggest problem humans have about
it is denial….from the suppressed info
about Fukushima, to the hidden agendas
of the western nations, global warming,
etc., etc., denial denial denial. A few rich 
people have purchased old missile silos
and converted them into luxury survival
condos….so, some people are paying 
attention.

This apocalypse looks to be a slow burn,
unless someone gets impatient and pulls
a trigger.

Denial is the first stage…then comes 
acceptance. But, do we have to accept
the apocalypse? The first step in solving
a problem is acknowledging that there
is something wrong. We can’t ask for 
medicine from a doctor unless we realize
we are ill. If we live in denial, eventually,
we lose faith in ourselves. Denial doesn’t
change reality…it may seem to postpone
it for a while. If the future looms so large
we have to avert our eyes, we might
consider taking a look. It’s only in clear
seeing that we can find our integrity.





















































Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Stasis

my life is in stasis
i move as little as possible
because i want to know
where i am when the shit
hits the fan

enough change in the climate
in the people around me…
i don’t need to read the news
i’m not sure what world i’ll see
in the morning when i open the door.

if you don’t know what i mean
you’re so caught up in the speed
that you can’t see what’s really 
happening unless you stand still.

Fukushima Forever

We were lucky
after they split the atom
that it took us so long 
to destroy ourselves.

My generation flourished
in the USA when it was
the greatest country, 
prosperous beyond belief,
in a functioning democracy,
that ended when Kennedy 
was killed. Then, a steady
downward spiral for which
Johnson was the poster child.

The Sixties happened because
we knew the threat. the evil…
it was an attempt to switch
attention…almost unconscious,
instinctive, because, we were
beginning to feel the water boil.
A spiritual awakening happened, 
too little and too late.

Now, in the media, the messages 
are so mixed, so contradictory
and outrageous, that it surely 
points to something horribly 
wrong. There no longer is a
standard for public discourse,
guns take over where lips
have failed.

Now, the people coming along,
don’t want to see or hear…they’ve
been trained, and they know that
anyone who does speak out risks
their lives. They begin to doubt
themselves and depression fills
their hearts.

And it’s all been predicted by
everyone. Fukushima, gourd
of ashes, ending this age of man.











Sunday, June 15, 2014

Sun's Coming Up

The bastard….that means,
(and, yes, there it goes, just 
after I wrote the previous words down)
arial bombs, and someplace, a church,
a restaurant, a domicile, has started loud 
music… I can’t wait for the brass marching
band to traipse down my street with 
confidence….with the one or two thoughts
they keep in there heads
that carry them through their lives.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Playing Video Poker

In my house of cards 
there are many rooms.
You thought I was God….
now you can see I was just
part of your program.
I don’t know how much
more I can elaborate this
without driving you crazy.
My only question is, are
you already?


Friday, June 13, 2014

Poem Over Coffee

Things and I don’t get along.
When I was a plumber, my tools
were simple, big, and industrial 
strength.

My computer…my $1K typewriter…
is so complex I have a strange urge
to see how quickly my fingers can
break it down, a Luddite dream,
no machine should need as much
attention as a baby….unless you’re
trying to get off the planet……oh.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Short Poem

How much meaning can 
you get in a few words?
“What we have here is a 
failure to communicate.”
“One giant leap for mankind.”
“I have seen the mountain top.”

“You may fire when ready, Gridley…”
“Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!”
“ I shall return.”
“Speak softly and carry a big stick.”

Whatever bites us is all we can understand…
“Remember the Main!
Pearl Harbor!”   it only takes a couple of clues
anymore for us to go in whatever direction they 
chose….”911!….it didn’t start from there, but,
from there it goes on forever.

This is the last call, as Eliot said….

wake up, it’s time.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

OK, Write A Poem

OK, here it comes…
(am I drunk enough yet?
do I need some music?)

“Is there any life out there?”
I yell.

A poem is words, that’s all.

Why is there poetry anyway?
Because when humans learned
they could speak, they couldn’t
stop themselves.

They came up with philosophy,
politics, religion, all those things
that drag us down.

Poetry, music, what language first
introduced are lost now in the
complexity of our communication
separated from experience.

We should sing to each other…we
really should…the whales do, and 
they are at least as smart as us.

It’s not that they know more than
we do…we know almost everything.
It’s that they haven’t forgotten
reality…how could we do this?
It wasn’t easy.








Sunday, June 8, 2014

Puerto Negra

I’m behind a black door
then, a green one,
then  a turquoise one
then my casita and
yard out of Max Ernst,
growing while I watch…
time moves quickly now.

Outside the black door
the half a block freshly 
paved,  with cobblestones,
and a brick sidewalk wide 
enough for  a dog…a 
convent-like establishment 
directly across from my door…
two or three other great 
houses take up the rest
of the block behind their
Spanish walls.

Mine is the last place after
you enter the black door..
two casitas on  the right, 
down an open corridor,
a beehive of rooms on the left,
one outside wall missing,
open to the air, I think that's
where they cook....
directly behind the church…
my neighbor has the face of 
an  old Mexican satyr…he
kicks around a soccer ball
with his kids in the street.

I’m a black door man.
What if the first door was green,
the second, red…the third  black…
well, I guess, black is a good
place to start…. the first forty
years of my life ‘till I began 
to see the light….hear the music
of color…the forest green outside
my window…old women with
faces reflecting rainbow of years
walking the streets in their aprons…
army jeeps with a man on the
machine gun…young people
high on everything playing drums…
the aged San Fran hippie refugee,
smiling gap toothed in his tie dyes
with a trumpet or toy xylophone…
Huicholi maracami  selling beaded
fetishes…the Scot, selling his bread
off the back of his motorcycle.
outside the black door.










Friday, June 6, 2014

18----65

A lot of difference in between
or, so they make you think.

Impossible to have an idea
what reality you swirl in,
lucky to get a guess.

It takes time to know what
time means, if you are interested.

Why do we listen to the same songs
and get new meaning?

What wakes us up?
Presumably the sunrise…
whatever time that is.

That’s all my teacher told me.
That’s all he was.
And, if you are lucky,

That’s all you really know.

Surface Tension

Sweat…” I don’t
want do do this!”
Yet, here I am.

What do we need
to maintain?

I talk the talk…
they don’t know where
I walk, nor, care.

We are all just there
hoping things won’t change.

No one is at fault waiting
for the other shoe to drop.

Monsoon Raga Poem

raga    rain   cool  air blowing in the window….
notes as uncertain as whether the rain will come…
what will come?   clouds    wind   uncertainty…
going into the shop, the bell rings, but there is
a stillness...a whiff of museum…the creak of 
ancient time….

the world ends now…we assumed it was always 
here…never thought it would end…it won’t… we will…

“no coke today” as the thunder gets louder, the 
clouds lower…still can’t be sure when, or, how much….
soon, man, soon…

My house is made of concrete…
it will take some time to wash away…
longer than my life….but the rain
has been coming the longest…
it owns time.

I pause the music and fix a drink
in real time.
The music, like the rain, is all time….
slice time at any point, and you get 
rain and music….

that’s why they tried to listen to 
the spheres, their songs, celestial 
sirens beaconing into space…the
same space between drops of rain
notes of music, where it all really
happens.





Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Sailing In My Mandelboat

The sails have been set from
the onset, winds took them
like nature, events swirled
and eddied, and the humans
tried to make sense of them.

That hasn’t happened. The
temporary parapets, the dams
and the fortifications, so imposing,
are crumbling before our eyes…

A great disorder emerges from
the order, just as the order 
emerged from it. This is, in fact,
the meaning of harmony…the
waves ebb and flow.

Nothing more to say right now
sailing as I do, on land, in a still
pool, Tepoztlan, protected a bit
from these elements….for how
long?







Burma Shave Poem # 3xza


Listening to music

as you drive along

don’t you sometimes wonder

where it all went wrong?


Burma Shave*

Playing It By Thumb

Well, I’m all thumbs,
misanthropic nerd-do-well,
so, it’s my only ploy.

I never learned to unhook
a lady’s bra, I had to figure
out a way to get them to do it.

So, playing it by thumb is not
negative….it’s opposable
opportunity….Helen Keller
wisdom.

Improvisational adaption at
all levels….don’t complain
about your tools.


The Further Adventures Of Nothing

Meaning everything, because you 
can’t get there from here, but you
sure keep trying, vainly as it says
in the Bible and Buddhism. The 
best we do is enjoy the ride, and
it is a ride because it never stops
anywhere for very long. What 
happens between birth and death 
is called Bardo, a transitional state,
which implies it’s always changing,
even minutely from moment to 
moment. Life goes from nothing to
nothing with not very much in-
between..we can’t even remember
what happened except for the events
that seemed a big deal…

So, nothing keeps happening
without much notice since we’re all
so busy…energy trying to make it
as matter…and it’s distracting to
consider that it might all be for naught…
that when we leave our lives it will be
like leaving the theatre, and whatever 
impact the show might have had will
be  mostly forgotten  the next day.






Sunday, June 1, 2014

No Koan To Go On

"What is the sound..."
Don't start...my Mother-In-Laws,
(Or, was it my wives?)
said stuff to me that even Basho
would get drunk because of....

because he couldn't understand....
because they were women.

"What is the sound"....don't get
me started....no matter what you
say...I'm off like a run away train
man in the lost cause of sexes,
history, whatever you hold dear.

"What is the sound...?"
"What is Mu?
How many unanswerable
questions are there?
Well, at least, all the good ones.


Trusted Voices

Why do you think they call
them Anchors? Because they’re
supposed to be the face of truth,
your surrogate parents that tell you
everything’s going to be OK.

The priest that does the unspeakable…
politicians skilled at lying…maybe
your boss, only interested in money….

What voices do you trust, and why?
Do you trust the media?
Do you trust a credo or philosophy?
Do you only think of the truth
when you’re cornered?

Do you trust yourself, and, what does 
that mean? Not the voices in your head
that make you buy a sandwich or think
going to the moon is a good idea, no,
that part  of you that tells you what fork
in the road to take that you know is true,
despite the resistance.

What do we believe in?
It would be good if we could 
start with ourselves.