Saturday, April 2, 2016

Buddhist Reunion

Buddhist Reunion  

Jack was waking up, but he felt like he
was dying. It wasn't the usual pain in his
body...he felt no energy, like a sputtering
candle. After a while, and some drugs 
and coffee, he felt close to normal...for
him.  On his desk was a photo of his 
friend, Jaffy. He picked it up and looked 
at it. Jaffy was in monks robes, his arm
around a statue of the Buddha, as in a 
buddy type shot. Jack sighed and put 
the photo back on the desk. He scratched 
himself and sighed again. Then he noticed 
the lottery ticket on his
night stand and absently looked up the
numbers on his computer. They matched.
He rubbed his eyes and looked again...
and again. He checked the date five times.
He sat on the bed, his heart racing, trying
to take slow breaths. When his dizziness
had subsided somewhat, he called the 
lottery office, gave them the confirmation 
numbers on the ticket, and realized it was 
true. He asked how much he had won. 
When he heard "Forty five million dollars."
he hung up the phone and laid down.
After half an hour, he picked up the phone
and called his friend, Jaffy. When Jaffy
picked up the phone, Jack said: "Plan B...
forty five million.''  and hung up the phone.
He knew Jaffy would be at his door in 24
hours.  He had to get ready.

Jaffy put the phone down on the receiver.
He was dressed in maroon monks robes.
He stood silently still for a long moment.
He went over to a mirror and looked at 
himself in it. It was almost time for him to
shave his head again. His hair looked like
what might be called an extreme buzz cut.
He ran his hand over his head a couple of 
times. He then walked over to a small closet.
He took out some clothes that were in 
plastic from the dry cleaner. He took off the 
plastic and inside was a dark grey suit. He 
held it up, in front of him and looked at 
himself in the mirror.

Jaffy was on a plane in the suit, sitting in
first class. Jack had the ticket waiting for him
at the airport. He held a glass of scotch and
ice in his hand. He looked at it and smiled
as he swirled the liquor.

By the time Jaffy arrived the next day, Jack
had done his homework. He had his money
in the bank. He had located a Lamborghini
Huracon 610-4 and paid cash for it. When 
Jaffy arrived, the car was on the street, 
covered with a tarp. They met there when
the cab left Jaffy off. They hugged, and Jaffy
said: "Whaddya got?"  Jack whisked the tarp
off the Lambo. Jaffe turned to Jack and smiled
the same smile that the Terminator smiled
when he saw the mini-gun in Terminator 2.

Already Jack had
located a custom Winnebago shop and given 
them instructions, paying in advance for the
whole job as a rush order. He had contacted 
a top lawyer and had given him a chunky 
advance. He instructed the lawyer where he
could pick up his new BMW 750 iL. The next 
few days and twenty five speeding tickets 
later, Jaffy and Jack had plan B activated
and in motion. The Winnebago was sent on 
ahead to the town of their class reunion piloted
by a friend of Jack. They would follow a couple
of days later, screaming to the town in their
Lambo, and see how many tickets they could 
pick up on the way, their lawyer following 
dutifully in his new Beamer, to bail them out
of any pesky jails they might encounter on their 

Their journey to the town where the reunion 
was to be held was not uneventful, to say the 
least. Several times they were stopped by police,
their lawyer pulling up a while later, talking to 
the cop and paying the fine. They were 
somewhere in Montana, when they got stopped
by a state police officer. He said their speeding
had been so egregious that he would have to
take them to the station where they could look
forward to, at least, a few nights stay. They followed
the officer to the station, their lawyer in tow. It
didn't look good. Jack took the captain that was
there aside with Jaffy. He talked to the officer:

"Look, I know we broke the law, of course we 
did. But we're heading to our college reunion, 
and we haven't seen these people for thirty 

Jaffy interjects: "We're on a mission from Buddha!"

Jack continues: " Don't you have a school around 
here that needs some repairs, maybe a hospital 
that could use some more modern equipment?
Maybe you guys could use some better cars. What
say we make a sizable donation....say a million 
dollars...and you let us go so we don't miss it?" 

We next see Jack and Jaffy in the Lambo, back
on the highway.

The driver of the Winnebago and a couple of
his homeys had set up the Winnebago in an 
empty lot that they had contracted to rent, near
the College where the reunion was to take place.
The Winnebago had been outfitted with a 
stadium sized and amplified sound system, full
bar, drugstore and chill room. They also had a 
couple of portable loudspeakers for mass
communication. These they hid, in the middle 
of the night where the reunion speeches were 
to take place. 

The day of the reunion, and the speeches, their
cohorts went as part of the audience with cell 
phones so that their entrance could be perfectly
timed. When the last speaker had almost finished,
Jack and Jaffy got the word. They screeched up 
close to the chairs that were set up, onto the lawn.
They emerged from the Lambo in their new silks 
and leathers and with blazing microphones 
addressed the assembly:

"Greetings fellow alumni!  We weren't going to be
here, being failures in your samsaric sideshow, but,
somehow, call it karma, we're suddenly rich with
no effort, so, we decided to show up and celebrate
our lives together with you!  AND WE BROUGHT 

At that cue, the sound system from the Winnebago
exploded into "Back Door Man" by the Doors, the 
intensity from the system much louder than the
P.A. speakers even two blocks away. The dutiful
alumni who had come to brag about their careers
and their children were stunned in their seats. But
the undergrads and other young people that were 
there ran full tilt towards the music.

The next period, which lasted an hour or so, was 
like the parade scene in Animal House....lots of
young people in and around the Winnebago 
dancing and getting high...distraught parents and
professors going every which way in confusion
and dismay....the police came but the lawyer was 
there with an assembly permit...the President
ran up to a beaming Jack and Jaffy and said:
"What's the meaning of all this!!!" Jaffy replied:
"Don't mean shit."  and handed the President a 
drink. Some of the coeds were drooling over the 
Lambo, and arrangements were concluded. Even
some of Jack and Jaffy's former fellow students
joined in on the festivities.  As the sun went down,
the sound of music was tempered, unlike the
tempers of the chagrined school. A massive fireworks
display took place. A giant silver flash filled the sky
with words:

           GOOD MORNING!!  CLASS  OF  76!!

The crowd roars.  Plan B had gone off flawlessly!


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