Buddhist Reunion

Buddhist Reunion  

Jack was waking up, but he felt like he

was dying. It wasn't the usual pain in his

body...he felt no energy, like a sputtering

candle. After a while, and some drugs 

and coffee, he felt close to normal...for

him.  On his desk was a photo of his 

friend, Jaffy. He picked it up and looked 

at it. Jaffy was in monks robes, his arm

around a statue of the Buddha, as in a 

buddy type shot. Jack sighed and put 

the photo back on the desk. He scratched 

himself and sighed again. Then he noticed 

the lottery ticket on his

night stand and absently looked up the

numbers on his computer. They matched.

He rubbed his eyes and looked again...

and again. He checked the date five times.

He sat on the bed, his heart racing, trying

to take slow breaths. When his dizziness

had subsided somewhat, he called the 

lottery office, gave them the confirmation 

numbers on the ticket, and realized it was 

true. He asked how much he had won. 

When he heard "Forty five million dollars."

he hung up the phone and laid down.

After half an hour, he picked up the phone

and called his friend, Jaffy. When Jaffy

picked up the phone, Jack said: "Plan B...

forty five million.''  and hung up the phone.

He knew Jaffy would be at his door in 24

hours.  He had to get ready.

Jaffy put the phone down on the receiver.

He was dressed in maroon monks robes.

He stood silently still for a long moment.

He went over to a mirror and looked at 

himself in it. It was almost time for him to

shave his head again. His hair looked like

what might be called an extreme buzz cut.

He ran his hand over his head a couple of 

times. He then walked over to a small closet.

He took out some clothes that were in 

plastic from the dry cleaner. He took off the 

plastic and inside was a dark grey suit. He 

held it up, in front of him and looked at 

himself in the mirror.

Jaffy was on a plane in the suit, sitting in

first class. Jack had the ticket waiting for him

at the airport. He held a glass of scotch and

ice in his hand. He looked at it and smiled

as he swirled the liquor.

By the time Jaffy arrived the next day, Jack

had done his homework. He had his money

in the bank. He had located a Lamborghini

Huracon 610-4 and paid cash for it. When 

Jaffy arrived, the car was on the street, 

covered with a tarp. They met there when

the cab left Jaffy off. They hugged, and Jaffy

said: "Whaddya got?"  Jack whisked the tarp

off the Lambo. Jaffe turned to Jack and smiled

the same smile that the Terminator smiled

when he saw the mini-gun in Terminator 2.

Already Jack had

located a custom Winnebago shop and given 

them instructions, paying in advance for the

whole job as a rush order. He had contacted 

a top lawyer and had given him a chunky 

advance. He instructed the lawyer where he

could pick up his new BMW 750 iL. The next 

few days and twenty five speeding tickets 

later, Jaffy and Jack had plan B activated

and in motion. The Winnebago was sent on 

ahead to the town of their class reunion piloted

by a friend of Jack. They would follow a couple

of days later, screaming to the town in their

Lambo, and see how many tickets they could 

pick up on the way, their lawyer following 

dutifully in his new Beamer, to bail them out

of any pesky jails they might encounter on their 

odyssey.

Their journey to the town where the reunion 

was to be held was not uneventful, to say the 

least. Several times they were stopped by police,

their lawyer pulling up a while later, talking to 

the cop and paying the fine. They were 

somewhere in Montana, when they got stopped

by a state police officer. He said their speeding

had been so egregious that he would have to

take them to the station where they could look

forward to, at least, a few nights stay. They followed

the officer to the station, their lawyer in tow. It

didn't look good. Jack took the captain that was

there aside with Jaffy. He talked to the officer:

"Look, I know we broke the law, of course we 

did. But we're heading to our college reunion, 

and we haven't seen these people for thirty 

years!"

Jaffy interjects: "We're on a mission from Buddha!"

Jack continues: " Don't you have a school around 

here that needs some repairs, maybe a hospital 

that could use some more modern equipment?

Maybe you guys could use some better cars. What

say we make a sizable donation....say a million 

dollars...and you let us go so we don't miss it?" 

We next see Jack and Jaffy in the Lambo, back

on the highway.

The driver of the Winnebago and a couple of

his homeys had set up the Winnebago in an 

empty lot that they had contracted to rent, near

the College where the reunion was to take place.

The Winnebago had been outfitted with a 

stadium sized and amplified sound system, full

bar, drugstore and chill room. They also had a 

couple of portable loudspeakers for mass

communication. These they hid, in the middle 

of the night where the reunion speeches were 

to take place. 

The day of the reunion, and the speeches, their

cohorts went as part of the audience with cell 

phones so that their entrance could be perfectly

timed. When the last speaker had almost finished,

Jack and Jaffy got the word. They screeched up 

close to the chairs that were set up, onto the lawn.

They emerged from the Lambo in their new silks 

and leathers and with blazing microphones 

addressed the assembly:

"Greetings fellow alumni!  We weren't going to be

here, being failures in your samsaric sideshow, but,

somehow, call it karma, we're suddenly rich with

no effort, so, we decided to show up and celebrate

our lives together with you!  AND WE BROUGHT 

THE CELEBRATION! "

At that cue, the sound system from the Winnebago

exploded into "Back Door Man" by the Doors, the 

intensity from the system much louder than the

P.A. speakers even two blocks away. The dutiful

alumni who had come to brag about their careers

and their children were stunned in their seats. But

the undergrads and other young people that were 

there ran full tilt towards the music.

The next period, which lasted an hour or so, was 

like the parade scene in Animal House....lots of

young people in and around the Winnebago 

dancing and getting high...distraught parents and

professors going every which way in confusion

and dismay....the police came but the lawyer was 

there with an assembly permit...the President

ran up to a beaming Jack and Jaffy and said:

"What's the meaning of all this!!!" Jaffy replied:

"Don't mean shit."  and handed the President a 

drink. Some of the coeds were drooling over the 

Lambo, and arrangements were concluded. Even

some of Jack and Jaffy's former fellow students

joined in on the festivities.  As the sun went down,

the sound of music was tempered, unlike the

tempers of the chagrined school. A massive fireworks

display took place. A giant silver flash filled the sky

with words:

           GOOD MORNING!!  CLASS  OF  76!!

The crowd roars.  Plan B had gone off flawlessly!