Saturday, February 13, 2016

The Interview

Frank was excited..this was going to
be his big break. A man had died and
gone to Heaven, but was revived by his
doctor, and wanted to tell his story.
So far, Franks biggest story had been 
George Clooney forgetting his cell phone 
in the toilet of an Arby's. He happened 
to be in the hospital when this guy came 
to. His first words were: "Get me a 
newspaper man! I've got a story!"  
The guy passed out for  a while soon 
after, but, when he woke again, he was 
more rational. Frank was waiting in the 
hall, and when he had the chance, he 
stuck his head into the room and told the 
man he was a reporter, and the paper he 
worked for was the Enquirer.  "Perfect," the
man said, "wait 'till I get home and I'll call
you and tell you the story."

Frank was ushered into Joe's living room.
When Joe told him he had been to Heaven,
Frank couldn't believe his luck. He urged
Joe to tell him all about it.

Joe began. "Listen, this is a very important
story...everybody...I mean EVERYBODY
needs to hear what I have to say!"

"Take it easy!" Frank said, "My paper is the 
right place for your story....millions will read it."

" goes. I knew `I was dead, was 
going through the tunnel of light like I'd read
about. When I got to the end, I found myself
in an enormous room....beautiful tapestries
on the walls of the lives of all the saints from
every religion. I had a white robe on of some
beautiful cloth that felt wonderful on my skin.
There were others there, dressed like I was.
One guy had a clip board. I walked over to him.
He smiled: "Hi, Joe, welcome to heaven!"

I couldn't believe it..."You mean, I made it?"

"Yes, Joe, you made it to heaven. We've been
expecting you."

" is this place all there is?"

"No, Joe, heavens not! (excuse the joke).
Heaven is vast and full of wonders!"

"Great!'s next?"

"Well, let's go outside and I'll show the 
way, my name is Arthur."

"Like the king?"

Arthur chuckled. "No, Joe, not like the king."

He took Joe to a big door and opened it. 
They went outside, and Joe looked around.

"Wow, it sure is big. Is it all this white?"

"Yes, Joe, it's all white. That's Heaven for you!"

"OK. So, what can I do here?"

"Well, Joe, you can sing, praise the Lord, have
an epiphany whenever you want. You can float
around, sit on clouds, talk to others about
celestial things. You'll always feel great and never

"Well, that sounds pretty good. Tell me, can I play
pool or ping pong?"

"No, Joe, sorry...we don't have any place to put
a table."

"Can I have a drink, smoke a cigarette, have 
something good to eat?"

"No, Joe, Heaven is strictly non-smoking. You
won't need food, and you'll always be in a state
of bliss, so, there's no need to drink, is there?"

"Huh. So, what do you guys do? How do you 
spend your time?"

"I already told you, Joe, we just float around 
in a state of bliss. We don't have the things 
you mentioned: no entertainment, no distractions,
no serious discussions, no philosophy. And all
the poetry and music here is Heaven related. 
Think Enya...think Gerard Manly Hopkins. Those
things you mentioned....well, you can't find them
here. They're in the....other place."

"You mean," and Joe started to tremble, "you

"Now, now, Joe."

"But then," (Joe was talking to me now) "things
went dark, and I woke up back in the hospital!
We've got to tell people! WE HAVE TO TELL

I told Joe to take it easy. After such an ordeal,
that he probably needed some more rest. I was
able to calm him down a bit...assured him I would 
be back the next day. I left, but had no intention
of ever coming back. His story was too crazy,
even for the Enquirer.


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