Helen Felony

Helen Felony, nicknamed “Hef” or

“Hi-Fi” (for her voice which could 

be as loud as a public address system),

was a slick private Dick that plied the

trade down by the docks and in the 

financial district….where all the

murderers were.

Her talents were needed at many levels.

Her voice had multiple uses…her sexy

dankness came in handy…her intellect 

could take a razor to Chomsky.

She had had lots of boy friends. Many 

of them became monks when their 

relationships ended. The rest were 

better off for having had the experience.

She was a combat specialist with an 

emphasis on fishing and boating 

equipment; hooks, lines, gaffs, oars,

harpoons, she was dangerous.

All this seems a little far fetched,

but I assure you it’s all completely 

true. I attest to that fact in front of

Congress.

She had a corner office, furnished 

conservatively, with a great view.

There were a number of weapons 

mounted on the wall. All but one 

had had their firing pins removed.

Only she knew which one 

still had one.

She had lots of fiends that had

families that loved her and she

enjoyed babysitting their children

sometimes. The parents were never

worried when she was there.

I’d like to relate the specifics

of an operation that Helen was

involved with, but even the memory

of those have been erased from history.

Helen was so thorough in her work that

only rumors remain to tell her story.

She did many things, but always, 

at the end, participants would be

left questioning their recollections.

Her story could go on for a long

time, or, it could just stop right now

because, as far as we know,

it’s just a story.

#&#&##&#&#&#&#&##&&#&#&#&#&#&##&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#**#*#*#

Do you ever feel that life is just a really (long) long shaggy dog story?

#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&##&#&#&#&#(#()#)###&#&#&#$#&#&&#&#&&#&#&#&#&

New Reality Show

“So, You Think You’re Normal!”

In each show, the contestants are subject to the

wildest phenomena available:

—crowds of people smashing into stores and taking

everything.

— gigantic women in spandex

— shopping frenzy at Filene’s Basement

—Al Bundy look alike contest where 756

out of 1,000 contestants, all gone-to-seed

middle aged men in their underwear 

are the winners…,

……until the contestants crack 

and go crazy!!

What? What did you say?

Yeah, you’re right…that’s reality today 

anyway.