What I Should Have Said To Harvard

 My junior year in high school, I had a college 

interview for Harvard. The interview was in an

alumni’s home in the next town over. The tweedy

looking gentleman asked me: “What do you want

to do with life?” I was seventeen and wasn’t even

sure what life was, so, I didn’t know what to say.

I should have said:

“I want to learn acting so I can go to Hollywood,

get raped by a few studio executives, join a Satanic 

Cult and get rich, carry on with evil activities and

give lots of money to Harvard, if they’ll let me in.”

Then, Tweedy would have repeated the line that the

interviewer wrote about Tom Cruise at the end of

Risky Business:

“I think Harvard could use a guy like John Tischer.”

But, I didn’t say that and then he didn’t say that in 

response and I didn’t get into Harvard.

If I had, looking at Harvard today,

I bet I would have.