Nothing Happened

I got drunk and f’ed somebody. My girlfriend didn’t like that very much, so she left me. I lost my job because I was so depressed I couldn’t work. I went to therapy, which made me think I really had a problem. I quit therapy because I couldn’t afford it and it only made me more miserable. Got a job on a fishing boat with a captain that was a vicious sadist. When I realized he was more interested in me than fish, I jumped ship in the Bahamas. A brown girl took me in and we had a great time swimming in the blue ocean, eating fresh mahi mahi and getting stoned and f’ing our brains out. I didn’t want it to end, but it did. Worked in the engine room of a liner to get back to the states….landed in San Diego. Hitchhiked to Wyoming and got some cowboy boots. Fooled a rancher into thinking I was a farmhand and ran off with his daughter in one of his trucks. Made it to Denver and a cheap motel. She turned tricks and I sold crack which we both agreed were the best jobs we ever had. We saved enough to make it to Alaska, where we lived on the ocean and watched the whales. Made friends with some Inuit folks. They taught us the meanings of whale and ocean. I felt they all were my family. Everything was fine till the two goons that her father had sent showed up. I guess he had some money. They beat me to a pulp and took her away. My Inuit friends took care of me till I could walk. They wanted me to stay with them, marry their daughter. We f’ed a few times, but I was just too restless to give in to their idea, though I don’t think it was a bad one. They gave me a chunk of gold they found and I left with no hard feelings on any side for once in my life. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. Spent a couple of weeks in Fairbanks at a nice hotel. Got to know the bartender, a wise man. Instead of looking for life, he watched it pass through his bar. He knew what people were about. We both knew that something was happening, but we weren’t quite
sure what it was. We agreed that that was better than thinking you knew what was going on. We went out together on his nights off. He knew the night scene
in Fairbanks. He took me to places you wouldn’t believe. They were like night time theme parks for adults. I stayed longer in Fairbanks. I wanted to see this one through. My money was running out. Frank, the bartender, let me stay at his
place. I had a few side jobs. They were usually a little hairy. I didn’t care much as long as no one got hurt. Frank was of the same mind, but the clientele were in the gray area so you could never be sure what would be going down. One night, one of our associates had to cream a guard. The money was good from that one, but Frank and I had a weekend retreat with drugs and babes to figure out if we wanted to continue. I decided to split for the contiguous USA. We both figured that if the heat came his way, he could blame me and make a bit of restitution. We parted best of friends. I flew to Austin and spent a few nights dissolved into the crowd. Texas didn’t grab me.
All balls and no dick. No wonder the women there tried so hard. The South wasn’t for me. They consider ignorance an heirloom. I got a ride with a middle aged couple in a Winnebago. When I turned them onto grass, they suddenly got much younger. It was the best vacation they ever had. I still get Christmas cards from them. Santa Fe and southern Colorado were interesting. Lots of space, lots of
unique people, when you ran into them. Had a few tense moments with a trucker who took me home to his battered family. Said I could stay there as long as I wanted, f’ his wife even. He was the only man I ever killed. I figure the police wouldn’t look too hard for me once they saw the situation.
Turned out, I was right. Had enough money to take a flight to Kyoto, and the balls to do it. I was invisible in Japan, like everyone else. Of course, I stuck out because I was a white guy, but no one let on that they saw me. Found an ex-pat
who was teaching tea ceremony to the natives. Seems they lost their own culture, and Jim was trying to help them get it back. I guess the a-bomb was a
pretty big blow…knocked them cultureless. I heard from the states that it was cool to come back, so, I made arrangements. I didn’t have the desire to do what it would take to become part of the Jap scene anyway…too ant like. Meanwhile, I discovered I had cancer. I figured a year was enough time to get ready to die.
I looked over what I had done in my life, what had happened to me. None of it really seemed to matter. In fact, none of it seemed really to have happened. Maybe my memory wasn’t that good because of the drugs or something. In any case, I didn’t feel bad about dying. I didn’t feel much about it, like I was just putting away my laundry or something. Like it was one of those moments at the party when you’re just looking at something, or just feeling relaxed. Those were the moments of my life I was remembering . The dramas held no interest for me now. Actually, I couldn’t care less, as if everything I’d done in life was a trick I’d played on myself.