American Professional Football An Editorial

I’m not one of these bleeding hearts that feels

professional football is too violent…in fact, quite 

the opposite. I feel there should be real violence

in the sport to reflect properly the violent nature of

our American society (Well, yours…I moved to 

Mexico…what do you think I am, stupid?) 

Random murder is becoming a national passtime, 

so, our games should reflect that fact. Of course,

ice  hockey is pretty much covered. But, I’d like to

propose a few rule changes for professional 

football to bring it up to date with the American 

experience, while also adding zest to the game 

At the end of the game, the player on the loosing 

team that blew the big play should be sacrificed

to the fans. Of coure, this will take a period of 

acceptance for the viewing audience. It could begin

with a season ending injury, and go further from 

there. The benefit to the sport would be that every

game would have serious consequences…

no more shitty games or unnecessary hand
wringing over standings. And, depending on
fan approval, any limbs that get cut off can be
thrown into the stands as souvenirs.

Another idea I had, I call  “option 45”. In this case,

each team would have one play a game where they

arm any player with a 45 calibre pistol with one

bullit in the chamber. The gun is only used on

offense, and not during the last ten minutes of 

the game. The player would have the option

to shoot an opposing player. The coaching of 

this option would be a bit tricky, because if you 

shoot your opponent's best player, he’s gonna
shoot  yours which adds a delightful gangsta/
Hatfield/ McCoy aspect to the game…
so American!

These are just a couple of suggestions, but, from 

them you can see the possibilities. This kind of

play could be instituted in World Cup Soccer,

where it already sort of exists. Let’s go with the

strenghts of our (your) society!  Too soon?