LSD 45 Years Later

I remember the moment I decided what I would 

do with my life. It was in 1968, summer, I was 19.

I was riding with my father to town. We had just 

left the driveway, heading down the hill towards 

Winfield. I knew what was happening in
California…I’d read “Be Here Now”…there was
an awaking taking place and I wanted to find out
about it. I  decided at that moment that what I
wanted to do was find out what was going on…
not with  something specific, like politics, or
society, but,rather, what was going on…at all.

I went back to college that fall. During the
process of getting settled in, I wound up in the
dorm, Musser, on the fourth, top floor.  For some
reason unknown to me, that’s where all the “heads”
were. My first LSD trip happened shortly after the
term started. It was the first time I heard The
Grateful Dead, which was a delicious coincidence.
I met two people that night who became best
friends for life.That first one was a good trip. I
lost all self consciousness, which I had never
experienced before. It felt like I was  free. After
that night, our dorm scene was known as
“fifth Musser”.

I took LSD maybe 30 times that year. I had
some bad trips, which happened because I had
expectations that I could re-experience the freedom
of the first trip. I so wanted to experience that
freedom again, but one never knew what  would
come up when you were tripping. After that
period, I realized  I had seen the promised land,
the garden of Eden,but I had no idea how to get
there from  here. I knew that LSD had opened a
door, but, after the trip, the door was closed again.
I had to find a way to that freedom.

To make a long life short, I met a Buddhist. He
seemed so  calm, the opposite of how I felt. I asked
him about it, how to be more like him and he said
“Meditate”. That became my touchstone, both in
word and deed. I met my Buddhist teacher about a
year later…Chogyam Trungpa. When I first laid
eyes on him, I instantly knew I was looking at my
goal. I also felt, at the time, infinitely distant from
it. I ask him: “Isn’t there an easier way?” He just

chucked and shook his head no. He knew about
us hippies and LSD. 

After forty years of meditation and a complicated
life, I’m where I was that first trip… in that freedom
all the time. I never thought I would experience
that feeling again. I meditated for years and
nothing seemed to be happening, but, I felt I had
no other choice. Change happened suddenly at
moments. It was as if meditation had put me in a
place where the change could occur, where the
point of view  could shift…but any of the changes
didn’t occur because of any volition on my part…
they just happened because I meditated.

So, thank goodness for LSD. It broke my eggs
so I had to scramble to make an omelet.