Getting Into My Childhood

Each morning is like Saturday

with the cartoons, which there 

aren’t anymore, but, internet 

is as good as that, even better,

because now you can get anything,

what you had, what you want, what

you can imagine……it’s all there so,

childhood’s end…

childhood’s beginning…

each day now has that freshness…

because I don’t know now how much

time I have or wherewhithal to sustain

this particular life I think of as mine….

the end is never easy…better it be quick,

I say, so, I’m coaxing my liver and stomach

to kill me softly or, in a place where pain

killers would be effective….I’m just saying….

Oh, what precarious life we lead....

oh, what precarious life we lead

future empty    we proceed...not

depression...not based on doubt

we face it, we both know already

how this story turns out, unless 

you're Jerry IceCream with half

a billion

in the bank. It's good I'm busting

the time thing....German habit...

once and for all...and the sores on

arms that won't heal...like Trungpa 

had because he  drank so much, so,

what I'm saying and wondering

is where is my fucking deus ex

machina?

no, this has been fun and unusual

because I'm unusually up now at

this time like a deer in headlights

thinking my time is short, no, knowing

that and cherishing every final moment.